Don't Go
by SA17
Summary: As death nears closer, Quent thinks back to the life he has led from his family's demise to his final moments after facing Darcia...Based on the episode "High Tide, High Time".


I'm alive, for now at least. But I can feel my life fading away, trying desperately to leave my body. I can't believe I got myself into this damned mess. All I ever wanted to do was avenge my family, hunt the wolves that destroyed my home...my life. All I had, all I ever needed, were my gun and Blue. She was so playful as a pup and had grown into such a beautiful dog over the years. I remember the days when my wife and I would watch her and Ruce playing joyfully in the green fields outside of our home. Ol' Blue, she would always have that joyful expression on her mug, her eyes lighting up every time she was around him. And Ruce...oh, God he was so perfect. Always a smile upon his face and never a word of hate exiting his mouth.  
  
He was so innocent, so pure. I wanted to take him in my arms one more time before he died; my wife as well. I wanted to take them both away from the pain and suffering of what had happened, save them from the flames.  
  
But I couldn't because I was weak. All I had was Blue by my side and an expression that was undoubtedly plastered with fear across my naïve face. And it was from then on that my hatred for wolves began, as I walked aimlessly for miles, displaced from a home that no longer existed, Blue at my side. I remember I tried to abandon her on the way, her presence even then a fierce reminder of what those damned wolves had done to my family. But she wouldn't leave my side, the mutt. No, she was too loyal and I realized that Ruce would never have forgiven me had I left her all alone to fend for herself. So, with about as much effort as it took to leave my home, I allowed myself to forget what she symbolized and started recognizing her worth.  
  
In the distant city, I became hardened and self-possessed, I'll admit that right now. I never stopped to consider the help of others, only using people as a means to my ends. As soon as I earned enough money from a low-end job that I had taken months after the slaughter of my family and my people, I began to prepare. Prepare for my war against all wolves. What always goaded me on was the look in that particular wolf's expression: one of hatred toward me and toward two innocents that had never done anything to it.  
  
It was a sharp and cruel amber eye that pierced my soul and continually shattered it to hell.  
  
I remember stirring awake one night, crying out from nightmares, memories of the eye that stared at me from the crimson fires. Blue had instantly awoken and the now fully grown canine was by my side, her maw at my arm, licking my tongue gently as she whined out of concern for me. That was the final straw for me as I looked at the rifle I had recently bought, proudly standing at attention against the grimy wall of my hotel room.  
  
It was time for Blue and I to go.  
  
It was a long time before we made it to the next city. By that time, I had pulled enough all-nighters to make up for all of the hours that I had slept in my life. And there was Blue, never waning in strength or energy as if saying that she would always stay by my side. So when we finally arrived in the city, I did not find it amazing that she at once caught the scent of one of the animals. I allowed her to start the chase, running after her as she led the way into down the streets. Pulling my rifle from underneath my overcoat, I ran after her, anticipating the moment when she would corner the filthy wolf and subdue it so that I could kill it, just like its scum-sucking kind viciously killed my wife...my son.  
  
And there in a dark alley stood Blue I getting there in time to watch as she and a massive wolf of gray and black fur lunged at her. I watched with utter fascination and almost fear for Blue as she proceeded to defend herself. For a while, I was afraid that she would be hurt or worse...what if she were caught in my line of fire? We had trained for many months now and I knew she was ready...but was I?  
  
I didn't have time to think, for I saw that the gray animal was gaining the upper hand on Blue, even though she was trying to hold her own. I knew what I had to do...what I wanted to do. Lifting the rifle in front of my eyes, I lined the sight until I could follow the wolf.  
  
"Blue!! Out of the way!" I yelled and Blue instantly obeyed, backing off quickly just as the gray wolf landed on its haunches, growling fiercely at me.  
  
I had hesitated for only a moment, this being the first time I had ever pointed a gun at another living creature. But I pulled the trigger anyway.  
  
BAM!!!  
  
The gunshot echoed oddly in the alleyway as well as the sickly splat of the wolf's body as it made contact with the cold concrete. A bullet right in its torso I mused as I let the gun fall to my side. It was incapacitated and only hanging on by a thread. Running toward the wolf's body, I aimed the gun at the wolf's head. It was panting heavily, blood trickling from its mouth as its eyes were tightly shut, as if trying to shut out the pain. Remorse somehow crept its way into my mind as I stared at this pitiful creature. But then its eyes opened: cold, calculating amber eyes that looked at me with no emotion other than hate.  
  
With this, I pulled the trigger. I didn't even wince.  
  
Over time, Blue and I made our travels across the land, hunting down the wolves like they had undoubtedly done to so many before them. We had become professionals of a business, and the death of all wolves had become our trade. I had become colder and more detached from what I was doing. Even though hatred flowed freely whenever I saw a wolf it became more of a job. The reasons of what I was doing never changed but they became clouded. Other than Blue, I had nothing else to live for. I ate, drank, and murdered day after day. Sleep? Wasn't part of my mission. I had to keep going, for the sake of the ignorant masses and my own tormented memories.  
  
So when I came across the white wolf...it was the first time in a while that I had truly been spurred to kill a wolf for my own intents and purposes and not through some robotic function to murder. Something within this wolf invigorated me, jolting me to slaughter this beast that masqueraded in a coat as pure as snow. Even Blue was anxious to get a piece of this mongrel, and we would have had our chance had it not escaped. I was surprised, for this wolf was a level more intelligent than the others. As if it had some higher power vying for its survival.  
  
And survive it did, much to my anger. I wanted to kill that son of a bitch. So I began to concentrate my efforts on that one wolf. But before I knew more began to pop up, including one particular wolf that was amongst the most docile I had ever seen. It was clear that it had been someone's pet in the past. No animal would voluntarily accessorize itself. However, that didn't matter to me. If it was not with its owner, it was fair game. It had probably done something to piss off its owner anyway.  
  
In time I had counted four separate wolves to chase. It was not until I realized that these wolves began to masquerade as humans. At first, I didn't believe it. But when I saw it with my own two eyes as the boy seemed to shift between wolf and human forms I was convinced. I know it sounds crazy and, of course, people ridiculed me for saying such things. But I believed. And I became more convinced that all wolves had to die. If they were going around looking and acting like humans, then how the hell was anyone supposed to be safe?  
  
But at the same I had deep fears about where these things were hiding. Could I have just passed a wolf and not even have known it? Were there wolves amongst me, serving me a beer? Chist's sake, I could have spoken to a wolf and not even had known it! But I put it out of my mind, realizing that Blue was now keen to the scent of the wolves, and was more than willing to oust any human look-alikes as otherwise.  
  
And so the chase began. I wanted nothing more than to rid those damned wolves from the world, yet they always made it so difficult. Leading me and Blue out of the city, we eventually crossed over plains and into the ruins of the Nobles where I first bore witness to a girl of what I now understand is a flower maiden, whatever the hell that is. Believing she was a wolf, I shot at her...and was surprised to witness the white wolf jump in front of her to take the bullet as if it was trying to protect the girl. I remembered being shocked, watching as this beast made a sacrifice for another, but I shook it off.  
  
Wolves didn't sacrifice themselves for humans or anything else. They only maimed and killed everything they touched.  
  
"...mister...?...pops...?"  
  
In the next city, I began to notice that Blue had become increasingly more vicious. She seemed to be taking the hunt even more seriously than I was and yet, she was still the same Blue deep down. But I knew something was going on with her when she did the unthinkable and mauled a Jagara guard and killed another. The two men had attacked a little boy and she was only doing what she thought was right. But I wasn't gonna take any chances. As soon as I sensed she was even looking at the kid, I aimed my gun at her for the first time, yelling "Back!!" She only looked at me with those blue eyes as if I had committed a betrayal to her.  
  
I only saw her once more at Darcia's Keep and even then I'm not sure if it was her. I would not see her again until much later.  
  
Until then, I had made my first friend in a long time. Hubb was his name and though I was still mistrustful of him, seeing as how he had plans of his own, I took his offer to help me out of the city. He turned out to be a pretty decent man. We had good times even amongst personal angst and shared our own pitiful stories. We had a few good laughs and I was grateful for him making me laugh. It was something I hadn't done since Ruce.  
  
And then came the day when I saw her again. I was beaten and lost in that damned city. I had made it into an alley to sulk, passing by an attractive young woman leaning against the wall. She spoke to me, telling me things that only I could know. Of course, she had her own spin on things, telling me that the wolves were not to blame, that Jagara's troops were. I had no reason to believe her until...  
  
"Pops!"  
  
My eyes widened and I turned to face the dog that I had lost but had found me. I ran to her, eyes wet with tears for the first time in months, thanking whatever god that was up there for bringing her back to me. I was so thankful, and yet horrified that the same dog that I had raised from a pup was now wearing human skin...just like those wolves. I still hated wolves, but how could I hate Blue? It was a never-ending struggle of feelings for me. I guess I should be thankful to her. She finally got my old blood muscle pumping again.  
  
But toward the end, I was aware that she had become more and more like the animals I hated. She associated with them casually, forgetting that we had hunted down so many of their kind in the past before she became what she is now. And it was a slap in the face when I found myself amongst the company of wolves. I jump in front of her and save her and she takes help from the wolves! How could she?  
  
"You're not my dog anymore!" I had yelled to her, maybe the single most regretful action I had taken in my life, maybe not. I was at peace with my decision the moment I realized Blue was better off without me. She had a new home and a new family. She didn't want to be around some stinking human. And I intended to make sure of that.  
  
"...I-I promised Blue I would protect you...I promised her and I didn't...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."  
  
I turned around, aiming the gun at the young wolf that had followed me out into the sandstorm. Scowling, I turned around and began to make my way through again. He reminded me so much of Ruce...  
  
"Hey, mister!" the creature called out to me, "I don't think it's safe out here! Why don't you come back with the rest of us?"  
  
I felt bad for the wolf. He was too young to understand humans and their true nature and too innocent to care why. All he wanted was for me to go back. So I tried to explain to him the viciousness of the human being.  
  
"Humans always need something to hate," I remember grumbling over the winds of the storm, "Even if we have nothing else to live for, as long as our hatred for something lives, we'll live too, until we finally kill it."  
  
"But what about Blue?" the wolf asked me, desperately trying to play on my everlasting emotions for her.  
  
But I said nothing, walking forward.  
  
"Pops!!" the boy cried.  
  
"Don't call me that!!" I nearly screamed at him, fighting back my need to cry. I was in no mood to think about Blue or about this creature that was the same age my Ruce would have been right about now. I just wanted to walk away from everything.  
  
But I didn't get a chance to.  
  
I watched with increasing horror as the young wolf...the young boy was hit by my bullet. I watched as his body fall with a gradual grace to the ground. And, of course, it all seemed to happen in slow motion. But for me it really did feel that way. And as his small frame hit with an unceremonious thud upon the cold ground I gasped with fear, a pain in my heart beginning to well up inside me. I slowly stood up, my legs feeling like jelly, as I made and unsteady half-sprint, half-run to his body. Finally, I fell to the ground on my knees beside him as I gaped in silence at him.  
  
A child! I had gunned down a child! A boy, like my own!! I could feel the tears burning my eyes and I simply let them flow down my face as I looked through blurry vision at the bloodied body of the boy that I had shot. Oh, God, what had I done!?  
  
I no longer noticed Darcia standing above me and it was only until his bullet penetrated my lung and sent me five yards from the boy that I realized that indeed, I would pay for my sins.  
  
"Aaaah!!" I screamed amidst a sob that racked my very being. Tears still flowed down my face even as my eyes remained closed, the image of the boy seared into my mind forever. And I kept screaming and crying as Darcia left us there, silent in his retreat.  
  
But almost ten minutes later, I was now silent and, once again, on my knees staring at the body of what now appeared to be a wolf yards away from me. He had not moved since the shooting and had not uttered a sound. I kept hoping he would but finally, realizing that he probably wouldn't and exhausted by my lung shot, I collapsed to the ground on my side, sighing heavily. I stared at him, wishing that I had just waited just a second longer or maybe a second sooner. Maybe Darcia would have shot him or maybe he would have shot me. I would never know. All I understood was that I was to blame for his death, and for the first time, the death of a wolf by my hands gave me guilt.  
  
And then I saw him stir from his place on the ground and I was hopeful that the kid had survived after all. He was a child to my eyes again, and it was all the more painful to watch as this boy struggled to be beside me, the blood from the wound in his chest trailing a crimson path upon the ground as he made each step with increased difficulty.  
  
"...I'm so sorry..." he whispered painfully to me.  
  
"Don't be sorry," I whispered through shallow breaths as I watched him struggle toward me, "I'm the one...that pulled the trigger."  
  
"...I wish...we could have all gone to paradise," he whispered, the persistent blood trail following him at his feet, and soon at his paws as the wolf dragged himself toward me, "...I wish...that I could have stayed by your side...forever..." he gasped as his head fell onto my right arm that lay outstretched upon the ground. "...Let me just rest here...for a little while..." he sighed and never spoke again.  
  
I felt the need to do something, but as my left arm slowly drew itself above his head, I was apprehensive. Was it a ploy? Was this wolf just waiting for me to show the slightest bit of compassion before mauling my hand? I grunted with nervousness but finally laid my hand to rest upon the wolf's head, petting him softly. I was still cringing at the fact that I was doing this because, for so long, I had hated wolves. I still hated them. And yet...  
  
"It was you...!" I whispered with sudden clarity as I looked at the closed eyes of the wolf that lain peacefully beside me, "Out in the snow..." His presence there had felt different yet so familiar. I finally remembered why. "You saved me boy..." I whispered tearfully, feeling the tears run down my face once again. Pulling him closer to me, I embraced the wolf, the boy in my arms and sobbed happily, thanking God that I would at least die in the presence of someone who cared about me.  
  
And yet, as things began to grow blurrier and I was losing a grip on reality and on life itself, I heard the sounds of voices. First it was the scream of one of the wolf boys calling for his fallen comrade:  
  
"Toboe! Toboe!" and then nothing, only a defeated gasp and the light, unsteady steps as he walked away.  
  
As more of my senses waned, I could feel the blood choking me, drowning me as my body fought desperately for life. But I had since come to terms with what was to come next. Even as I witnessed the magnificent black fur and stunning blue eyes look down at me with a pained expression, her whisper  
  
"Don't go..."  
  
Echoing in my ears, I, Quent Yaiden, certified hard-ass and hunter of wolves, slowly smiled as I embraced a wolf, feeling myself fade until the light claimed what remained of my vision and the remainder of my sad yet significant little life. 


End file.
